Pagan Blog Project 2014: “J” is for Judgment
This one’s late again, sorry. Been a weird few days.
I struggled with this post as well, because it sounds a lot like whining. I mean, I knew what I was getting into with pop-culture stuff. I knew it was weird and strange and unusual and looks, to quote Pierce Hawthorne, “crazytown bananapants”. And I posted about it anyway, it got onto a blog mocking it, and it’s sticking in my head.
There are no safe spaces for this sort of talk. There really aren’t. Even within the pagan sphere, many people look down on pop-culture practitioners. I can’t talk to my mom about it. I’m loath of letting my friends have the link to my blog because I don’t want them to judge me. At the same time, I want to share with them. I want them to be able to take part in this area of my life, if they want. It’s very frustrating.
I could step back and walk away, no hard feelings. When I raised the issue, the response from the Mechanic was a rather tongue-in-cheek “crying emoji” and the response from the Assassin was silence for a few seconds before “You do what you need to do to feel safe.”
So why aren’t I stepping away? Why aren’t I taking it all down, returning to the more conventional place my spiritual life was at a year ago?
Because I’m stubborn.
I’m stubborn, and this was my choice.
I need to own this choice, because that’s just what I’ve been working on. Owning my choices. Being true to myself, just as soon as I find out who “myself” is. And not viewing myself through the lenses of others.
Maybe one day I’ll feel confident enough to share with the people in my life. Not today, though.