Pagan Blog Project 2014: “G” is for Gods, et al.
I’m probably not the best person to ask about gods. My godphone is intermittent if not entirely broken, I spend about 90% of my time crippled with doubt, and most of the entities I honor in my practice are emphatically not deities. But I might as well talk about them anyway. Right?
First of all, deities scare me. I have a healthy respect for deities, and I like quite a few of them, but as sort-of admiration from afar. Like, I don’t know if I can add more deities to my practice right now, especially since I’m still so scared of screwing things up with Bast. Gotta walk before you can run, right? And pissing deities off is serious business.
This is why the vast majority of beings I honor are not gods. There’s a couple pop-culture muses, a city spirit, a daemon, and someone else new who’s going to get more explanation one of these days. But Bast is the only deity.
Oh, not for lack of trying; I’ve felt one or the other tapping on my shoulder from time to time, and when I gently rebuff saying I don’t think I can worship them properly at this point in my life, they courteously withdraw. Though I can’t help but think they still have an eye on me and are waiting to pounce. (I’m gonna need a bigger shelf.) I hope they appreciate the commitment I have to trying to do this correctly. I am still learning, after all. I’ll always be learning, but I feel especially inept now.
The thing that freaks me out most about deities is that you can never fully know them by their very natures. They’re all some degree of ineffable, and since I pride myself on my ability to analyze people, that can be disconcerting. I want to understand, but I’m just not fully capable of it. That tends to frustrate me, and getting over that has been one of my chief difficulties.
I am still young, and still learning, but I hope to get better at this. And I hope the gods will be patient with me as I keep picking myself up out of the dirt to try again.