Pagan Blog Project 2014: “F” is for Fallow Time
One of the worst things I’ve ever felt was reaching out for the gods and getting nothing. Just one day, the phone lines were cut without so much as a change-of-address form. For whatever reason, they’d decided I have to cool my jets and sit tight for a while.
It could be tied to the depression, but it isn’t always. For some people, it’s cyclical; gods come in and out of their lives with the seasons. For others, it’s utterly random.
I think I fall in that latter group.
I haven’t had energy lately; I have all these grand plans, but by the end of the day standing at my altar to light a candle is more than I can deal with. Not to mention the purity standards I try to meet before interacting with Bast, since it’s both a Kemetic requirement and I’d feel rude if I didn’t. Candles, incense, the whole deal – all of it takes more spoons than I currently have. Which is incredibly frustrating, because I’m sure it would help me feel better. It’s a catch-22; if I do the honoring I’ll feel better, but if I don’t have enough energy to honor Her in the first place, I’m never going to be able to feel better (not due to that, anyway).
Part of my problem is also that I don’t want to be around people or gods when I’m at less than my best. Which is also not helpful.
But I’ve overexerted myself on a number of fronts lately, so I guess it’s time for me to lie fallow for a little while. I just hope the gods will still want me when I’m back.