Pagan Blog Project 2014: “W” is for Why?
Like a two-year-old who’s just discovered the word, I ask “Why?” a lot. Why am I doing this? Why me? Why did I feel drawn to this path?
Some days, it’s “why do I even bother?”.
(I don’t like those days.)
This path isn’t easy. It’s even lonely, a lot of the time. Quite often I feel like I can’t talk to other people in my life about it, that I can’t share with them something that’s so important to me.
So why do I still walk it?
It’s not the answer anyone wants to hear, I know, least of all me. Some days, I don’t even know why I do this. Some days, I’m not sure if what I’m doing is real.
What gets me through the rough days is…hope, I guess.
I have to have hope that I can believe again, that I can get through the dark days and the bad days. I have to have faith in myself if I can’t have faith in anything else. And it’s not easy. Sometimes it’s even harder to believe in myself than anything else.
So that’s why. I believe because I have hope. My hope is independent of my belief…but my belief does a good deal to shore up my hope.